sometimes, i have these very profound moments. these moments would make me get any writing material and writable material and jot down what i am, at that time, currently feeling. these moments would lead to epiphanies, new songs, letters and the like.

well, right now isn't one of those moments.

damn.

-me

FUCKING COCONUTS.

i have been typing down random stuff, then backspacing, then typing down random stuff again, THEN, backspacing again AND THEN, fucking typing down stuff again, AND. THEN.

and then i get frustrated and stop. so, i typed down the first thing i felt like typing down, which was my frustration. and coconuts. huh.

i attended xav's prom last week. i will not go to specifics because i'm scared if i do, i'll overuse my story. or something. yeah, i'm weird. let me just tell you that it was awesome and quite hilarious at the same time, especailly 'cos he's the brother of one of my closest friends. my dress, which wasn't really a prom dress, was CRAZY YEAH. i just thought of that maybe about 20 hours before the prom itself. and the people i met were so varied and crazy fun. what can i say? it was a good night.

2 days ago, i had this class party. it was pretty awesome, the "i never" shit never really got old. and we had soberclub, so, you know. stuff. well, i honestly couldn't even remember some stuff that happend. meryl told me the day after that i went out, pointed to the sky and asked, "meryl, why are there stars?" and when claire's camera flashed, i APPARENTLY told meryl that there was a fucking comet. i was so intent on that. and choi and nina had to get my phone and camera from me because "i was going to chuck it out of the rooftop".

..okay.

i had good fun anyway.

it's summer. FUCKING SUMMER.

-me

interviewer.: have you ever performed in a hotel suite before?
william beckett: uh, well.. .. uh, music or..? HAHA.

adorable, that boy is.

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU: i scarred my forehead.

it was during math and vern and i just did something brilliant, i forgot what, but it must've been brilliant. so we gave each other this super gay high five. like, the kind that bounces? yup, we had that. apparently, it was a bit hardcore so my hand bounced back, scraping my head in the process.

it bled.

EVERYONE was laughing! jesus. i was so stupid.

first, a jesus hand, then a stapled finger, then a harry potter forehead.

i am so awesome.

-me

OMYGOD. i had one of the best nights of my life last night.

i had my CRUNCHY SIXTEENTH.

so there were bands, impromptu singing, gayness, music, camwhoring, some drinks, all-girl fun and all-girl love! and there was a part when we took the mic from the band people and started covering songs.


i loved it. i saw the importance of the absence of drinks and guys. [believe me, i did.] and it was just me, my friends and some lovin'.

-me

i've been gone for MONTHS. i've had an epiphany, and i've decided to record my life again.

right now, i'm a torn up, broken, stupid piece of shit. remember the guy in my past entries? well, we kinda became us. and just yesterday, i ended it. it was as simple as this: i just don't love him anymore.

it was a text break up.  i'm stupid, i'm weak, i know. wait. no, i don't know.

i was ready for him to hate me. i mean, wasn't that the original plan? i wanted him to hate me, so i wouldn't feel like the scum of the earth. i wanted him to agree with this break up, to let go. so maybe, i wouldn't have to show him the hurt i'm making myself go through and so i wouldn't hurt him. i expected him to take back all of the endearments and emotions to show me that i had a bigger reason to do this, not just the typical i-don't-love-you-anymore, i think-you-lie-to-me, get-over-your-ex passe reason. but he didn't. he didn't, fuck.

instead, he called me up at midnight, crying subtly on the other line. and his first word was, "why?" and was followed by more questions. was there someone else? what did i do? is this serious? can i get you back?  i could only answer a few of his questions, while feeling the betrayal of my tears threatening to fall. i found out that he didn't reply, because he chose to drink with a friend, hoping what i said wasn't meant. there were memorable moments during this conversation, and i have NEVER cried as much.

"agi, can i still tell you i love you?" he asked.

i shook my head, though i know he can't see me, my fucking tears running down my cheeks as i responded, "but you can''t expect me to say it back."

he was silent for a long moment. then he decided to use another method: "so, what, you're just going to leave me?" his voice was subtly humorous, as if a dry, sarcastic laugh was about to come up.

"i'm not leaving you, but i am leaving the relationship."

last night, for the first time in a long while, i cried myself to sleep, feeling stupid, yet free.

no regrets.

-me

so. i was with him again last friday.

actually, i was with ash, mikka and ap. we decided to have fun so we got a taxi [dude, this was my first time! i was a taxi virgin! haha.] and decided to fool them salesladies and bought drinks. and yeah, we were able to. tequila rose, mudslide and absolut vodka. we bought chips and four season, too. and chasers! we were so high. then we taxied back to ashley's home.

i decided to take a bath, and i was taking my sweet time when MAGICALLY, THE FUCKING DOOR OPENED! so i got my towel and covered myself then BAM they appeared! with fucking cameras. SHIT. haha, but it was pg13, so it's all good. i still wonder how they were able to unlock the door, though.

when we got up to the rooftop, the drinking began. out came the shaker, the ice, the drinks. it was quite awesome.

then he came.

he got me dark toblerone, because he knows my favorite chocolate is dark. then he hugged me. for a bit, he was gone. wait, for 2 hours, i mean. so i was all, "dude, where are you?" but at the same time pretending not to care. i actually promised myself i wouldn't get drunk and i'd stay sober for him. he returned and i swear, my friends noticed this huge smile on my face. then i found out he went away for a bit and got me something. ♥

we went away to the poolside for a bit and we were just talking in the men's bathroom, and it started to drizzle. so we got out and, yeah, he hugged me in the rain. it was.. i don't know, sweet. i guess. it was dark, and it was just the 2 of us. if i could freeze that moment, i would. then we went to some shelter. he told me to sit, and he sat beside me, i leaned against him, and he put his arm around me. he wanted to show me this video on his phone, and i was holding it, and he put his free hand on mine. he was smiling. then, his best friend just had to interfere, but it's okay. so we went back. we were just talking and i felt like this could last forever.

half of the night, he had his arm around me, as if we were meant to fit. ♥

-me

i've been gone for, what, 3 weeks? i know, i feel like i have so much to say, but time really likes to fuck up on me.

i'll tell you one thing, though: i'm happy. very happy. i met this wonderful boy. he takes care of me, listens to the used, hugs me, and stays up with me.

and it's so funny, 'cos i've known him for 4 days, but i feel like i've known him for a long time already.








and, oh yeah, he already kinda has my heart.

-me

the trip to the beach was so noisy. and fun. we wouldn't stop talking and laughing and getting high. when we arrived, we just went WHOOSH in the water and forgot about lunch. the waves were big, and the sun was blazing, but we had absolute fun. we were laughing away, just letting the waves tke us. we went up at 4pm and that's when we had lunch. we stayed at the hammock [YES, THEY AHVE THEM] with the music blasting and us singing along and simply being together. i swear, we just couldn't get sick of each other, it's awesome :D

it's 12am. we just lay there on the sand, hearing the waves crash and and letting the water reach our toes, the stars burning overhead, the moonlight engulfing us.. i'd say it was perfect. we were just talking and bonding.

it was awesome. i wouldn't have it any other way. we have a tali beach theme song: tonight by fm static.

this morning, everyone was all, "who got FRIIIIIIIIIED?" and yeah, that's us. we were sporting crazy tans/sunburns and huge smiles.

cheers to tan lines.

-me.

FAST TIMES AT BARRINGTON HIGH OUT TODAY.

i auditioned for our variety show to be held sometime in october. i sang when it rains by paramore and i think i did okay. well, i might be biased 'cos i absolutely love the song, so, yeah.

we're reshuffling seats tomorrow and I SWEAR, i'm gonna miss mady, jica and auds so fucking much. i mean, i've never expected this to happen. not in a million years, no. it was so unexpected, but beautiful. i guess that's the power of friendship. we're close, especially mady and i. and we're gonna be so far away from each other :C but i had a great first quarter.

oh, OH. lately, my friends and i have been addicted to these super stupi yet HILARIOUS name jokes. here are some that we made up that' s totally whacked:

why isn't JACK BLACK?
why is CHRIS BROWN?
why is MATT GREEN?
who did ALICIA KEYS?
where did SARAH JESSICA PARKER car?
who did CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY?

i swear, it'd be so fun. like, we'd just blurt out something stupid in the middle of a class and go crazy red giggling and the class would join in, too.

AND I'M GONNA GO TO THE BEACH WITH FRIENDS AND OVERNIGHT THERE THIS SUNDAY TO MONDAY! it's crazy, my parents allowed me! i mean, after a verbal battle, but yeah. my parents NEVER let me go ANYWHERE and this was a majorit may only be one night, but we'll make this last forever. i thought it was soccer people, but ash is coming! :) we're so gonna go crazy: we won't sleep, get pissed-drunk and SKINNY DIP! haha, we're gonna let loose, just for one night. it's gonna be awesome.

cheers to high school.

-me

yesterday, i went out to prome with marg, san and meryl. i swear, i had the ABSOLUTE fun. we were so fucking out of our minds. there were these kiddie rides and we'd pose with them. we'd put on gowns we'll never buy, wear crazy sunglasses, pose stupid poses, stop a revolving elevator door thing and press click.  memories are forever. there was this hour and a half when we just sat on the carpeted floor of fully booked, leaned at the book shelves and simply bonded and talked. being with them made me realize how lucky i am.

today, i had soccer. you know what? i love EVERY minute being on the field, getting sunburned and sweating like hell and shoving little boys [hehe] and just enjoying. i think i've learned how to kick better. or at least, i think so. i can feel the improvement. i swear, i may not be the best, but i'm in love with the sport. and the people in the team are awesome, too. ♥

here's something that made me smile when i saw it from an airplane on my way home from boracay this summer:

 

see it? :)

cheers to grass stains and instant messaging.

-me